I know it has been awhile. I imagine that if you have read any other post from me you find the subject odd, as I am clearly pro-equality in every way. The explanation of the subject might crush your heart too, so be careful.
I was in the Episcopal contingent of Seattle's Pride Parade. I thought it would be good for me, and good for people to see so many Christians showing Gods love, and while that is true there was so much more.
Parking was horrible, I drove for about 40 minutes before finding a spot, far from the beginning of the parade, which was nearly two blocks closer than were our contingent. I ran the two miles, much through the 'obstacle course' of people watching the parade, and people trying to get to the parade. I got together with my group with more than enough time, and ended up talking with people in the groups around (mostly trying to get a black sharpie, the Rocky Horror group behind us tried hard to find me one).
When our part in the parade started I was ready to smile, wave, and show Gods love. We passed the ROTC contingent waiting for their turn, they applauded us, and a few saluted. A great way to start, I thought.
As we marched we got applause from the watchers, and thank yous. The second person I heard thank us, was in pain. Not in pain on a physical level, but something much deeper. I had to fight crying. I looked in his eyes and saw pain in this man. He was fighting tears as he told me 'thank you'. You could see that he had been hurt by churches or at least Christians. You could see in his eyes too the joy of seeing people with the same title saying 'God loves you'. The pain looked fresh, seeing us, seeing love being given were he had been given pain, was reopening his pain. This sudden pain shook my core. I kept marching trying to work through the pain I saw in him, trying to not lose myself in the pain he shared with me in that look.
We got many others who thanked us, and many who cheered. Any future people who thanked me, with tears in their eyes were given a big hug, high fives and blown kisses were given to those who thanked with only joy and happiness in their eyes. Waves were given to those that cheered. Hugs were also given to those with "FREE HUGS" signs, and I am seriously considering having one for myself for next year.
As we got to the end we passed the colour guard, boy scouts with their banner still in hands, they and their troop leader saluted us, and their troop leader thanked us for being there. So we started and ended with happiness and salutes.
Every person who showed the pain that Christians had caused hurt my soul, crushed my heart, and made me want to curl up in a ball and cry with them. We could not fix those people. But we could tell them that those who tried to tell them they were broken when they were perfect were wrong. We told them they were loved, by God, and by us, as they were made whether they were heterosexual, homosexual, anywhere in between, gorgeous queens stuck in male bodies, or dudes stuck in female forms.
I talked to a god-sister, told her how I felt, the pain that I felt looking into the eyes of so many there. She told me that it was people like me that helped her make it, so while the pain I saw today has become a part of me I will never stop doing it, there may be another out there like her that needs to see someone like me, and I do not want to fail them.
