The false opinions of me

Christian ~ well, yes I am kind of, I just view it from a different angle from most people.

Kinky ~ I enjoy kink, but it is not want turns me on

Poly ~ I am queer with serious leaning towards mono

Bi ~ Again queer, but with a lean towards straight

Boyfriend ~ being queer what is wanted, what is required is not what most people think of as a boyfriend, and yes I say boyfriend, not s.o., as while chicks are hot, I want guys. Really what I want is a guy that qualifies for certain number of things on a rather long list. Some of the things I am looking at with doing with my life could easily have me far away for long periods of time, and I plan to come home to only him, and I expect that if they go to a convention, or whatever whenever they are home it is to me, even if it is just a day lounging on the couch (more likely playing a board game), or going to the park.

Star Wars and fuzzy Buddhists

You work with Anthropologist, maybe some of it rubbed off on you. ~ E

Maybe I am just nosy. ~ P

The bartender gives you an oof.  That sounds dirty. ~ E

The first thing I do is find a shady bank, and the med unit, then I gamble. ~ D

It'll be a new thing, the bore the Sith technique. ~ D

Oh my god, brother is the new brochure. ~ E

I am going to play an Ewok who thinks they are a Wookie, named Nepolian. ~ D

I'm a gambler, and a degenerate, I don't break the law. ~ D

Nothing like losing your home world to bring a race together. ~ D

They are fuzzy Buddhists. ~ P speaking of Ewoks

It all started with the 'sexy' sick voice

Did you have a good cycle? ~ U

I have got to play this game, you get jack points. ~ U

It has been 5,000 years or something since I healed anyone. ~ E

/cough That heal was full of dust. ~ B

Flavourless Flav, that is totally my new rap name. ~ D

I do not like being stretched without my permission. ~ B

I turn his ax to pink. ~ U

You changed the colour of his ax? ~ E

Roll for strength. ~ D

/roll No. ~ B

The seed must flow. ~ D

The music makes it creepy, I need a hug. ~ A

Josh /points ~ U

I do not think he opens the gate of his ass. ~ D

My boob just tried to type. ~ E

I think it actually did type. ~ A

Can I still hear the music? ~ E

Yes ~ D

I keep dancing. ~ E

Is he a timelord? Because then he has two hearts. ~ E

Last of the Elf Lords. ~ B

You are trapped in your mind. You are seeing your life play out, except every point where you had a choice of right and wrong you choice wrong now. ~ D

No I want that orphanage to burn. ~ B

Now you are running in and saving the orphans. ~ D

The humans. ~ U

There goes our homeland. ~ U

Why? ~ A

I saved the humans. ~ U

We already had the spousal abuse session. ~ B

Put a bomb in it. Fill it with cream. ~ U

Although Paladins are charisma, but they are crap. ~ A

No, now you are anthropamorphising him. ~ A

He is an elemental. ~ B

Anthropornagarahpic ~ U

That would be doing it with a furry. ~ B

I would burn a furry. ~ J

Old Class Stuff - Epitaph For A Red-Headed Whore

Here lies what's left of a brazen hussy.
That gal sure had ad blazin' pussy.
So on her gravestone strike a match
in memory of her smokin' snatch.

This certainly appears to be a sexualization of a powerful woman.  I have heard people try to defend things like this, but without more being shared this can feels to be lacking in sharing in power, or advertising power, but is instead the taking of power.

Further evolution

I have let my disabilities take me into hiding. Every time I turned down going out, no matter what the reason, even the good reasons, brought me further from the real world. That is not to say I do not deal with the real world, I do in fact deal with the real world, I just choose carefully when and where to deal with the real world.

This weekend I left the house, and went out by myself to a place where I was not going even going to be hanging out with someone I knew, just watching them (not in the creepy way, their band was playing). I stayed out until my phone crashed, losing me my lifeline back to my world. I enjoyed everything outside the panicking, and really wished I had done more.

This experience made me realize what I am missing out on, and how far my issues have gone. To be a part of society I need to stop being so much of this me, and more of the me I was back in high school, the me I was before the rape, the me that enjoys just going out even without a reason, the me that could go out without being protected by others. The only good things I can say the current me has that the old me did not are two things: the first is the education, which I was clearly on the path to prior, and would have gotten, and gotten sooner than I have; the second are the friends I have made since, which I can in some ways attribute to the me I started becoming as I met them, but I think outside of the end of my main relationship that happened because of it being the only reason I met them, we would have been able to become friends, and without being able to rule out the possibility meeting them I cannot say I would not have them had I not let my life be pulled from its course.

As an anthropologist I need to not think of the world in a purely logical, scientific, mathematical way, but I am also someone who the world was convinced was to be a mathematician by the time I turned 8, who was raised by a philosopher. I still view the world in black and white, but there are only shades of grey. What was done to me was as dark as can be, but what came of it was not, where I have been is not the light path that was chosen for me, but I learned from it. I do view the world as not full of failure but full of learning opportunities, I just wish I did not take as long to learn what I needed, to move on, and not have hide for as long as I have.

Can I actually say my actions this weekend show I have evolved? No, as evolving involves moving forward, when really all I did was move back to where I had been. But I can have learned from both it, and where I have living, and those will help me evolve into the next stage of me.

Star Wars time

Do you really want to go toe to toe with me on Star Wars lore ~ D

With your little gay dwarf? ~ E

Gay Ewok. Bright pink fur. ~ D

An archeologist getting drunk after work? That never happens. /mouthing 'Yes it does' ~ E

You would think character would have lots of funny quotes, it however did not. Only a couple of quotes, and a few funny conversations, and of course references back to the gay Ewok and his bright pink fur.

Flesh to flesh

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
Caressing, controlling

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
What am I doing?

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
I want this moment to never end

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
How did we get here?

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
This is not just lust

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin

Names mean everything and nothing

A name cannot decide what a person will become, naming your son Bill does not mean they will end up starting a tech company in their garage that will become one of the biggest names in the tech sphere. People will treat some names differently, naming your son Adolf could go badly, especially if the last name is very German.

Names, name meanings, and two people that have nothing in common except a name has caused me to think about this a bit too much.

I spent a couple of months at one point dealing names and their meanings wanting to have names that meant good things, that could not be turned into horrible nicknames, are easy enough for young people to pronounce without raping them, had good nickname options, and a few other things. This could come across as crazy as I am not planning on having kids just yet, and I was not in a relationship at the time, but once it was brought up in conversation that OCD would not let it go until I had something, OK, maybe that just proves the crazy. But naming a son Ruler Christ-Bearer, will not decide who they are, nor will Protector of Mankind Supplanter, or a daughter Mistress of the Sea Jade, but none mean things that someone would hide from, and outside Lex no bad nicknames can come from them.

My name means Bitter Honey Protector, I go by a shortened version of my middle name, that in and of itself has the meaning of Odd. I do not think bitter fits me, honey seems acceptable, but as the usually shortening of it that keeps the meaning makes me want to punch people, and when I first started going by the second half I did not know it meant something on its own, was more than a little amused when I found out that it meant odd, which fits me better than anything besides crazy.

The thing that has been weighing heavy in my thoughts the last couple of weeks were the people that made me sexually who I am, and how crazy their names our. There was one person that made me so happy, even though we were not each others primary, that caused me to see nothing in the opposite sex. I cannot say she nearly turned me lesbian, I can say she nearly made me forget my interest in the opposite sex. When things where getting right where I stopped looking at males I saw someone I had crushed on throughout high school. We bumped into each other and we were being completely non-sexual in nature, but simply dealing with him caused me to rethink. She nearly turned me, and he kept me straight. It was not until much later that I found out that they had the same last name (when I knew her she was not going by her birth name, at least not her last name).

Names mean so little and yet so much, much like there is no unique event and yet every moment is unique. Maybe had I been raised in a situation where one parent is a philosopher and the other is a political idealist, I would not question everything to such minor details, like what I might name my kids one day, or how I have had relationships with people that have the same last name.

No DnD meant BSG, not that the conversations were very game focused

Sherry, Mary, red headed chick I hang out with, oh, wait that is still both of you. ~ A

Like Faith Eliza Dushku? ~ D

Like Dollhouse, show me on the doll where I touched you. ~ U

How do you count? ~ D

Dalmations ~ A

It would be a warlord eating the consoles to get their powers. ~ B

Replace Master Chief with Mario, and you have Mario 3D. ~ B

Pull something out. ~ B

You just Amyd it in there? ~ D

You got liquor in that? ~ U

A little ~ B

Lots ~ D

If it's empty fill it with cream. ~ b

It's always been fill it with cream, you just didn't know it yet. ~ b

It's cream filled bananas. ~ D

Assume the party submission position, and we will figure this all out. ~ B

What is a geek?

Non-geeks keep telling me what a geek is. Geek is such a broad term that most anyone can be a geek. I consider a person to be a geek if they are willing to be called a geek.

Geek Flow Chart

What is a geek chick (or whatever she chooses to be called)? Someone that accepts the title geek, and is female, or considers themselves to be of the feminine persuasion.

Yes this is the short version, but the full version of what is a geek/female geek, is easily 10-20 pages. While the long version will be explain here, slowly, this seems to be as simple as I can get.

1st Pathfinder Game

He has a spear and he likes to stick it into things. ~ C

You cannot be chaotic annoying. ~ C

You just need to put your spear on vibrate. ~ B

Your flipping off your tip? ~ B

I am too busy with my spear to deal with my sack. ~ N

If you were a real man you would let her know your big is bed enough for 2. ~ B

To be fair my Bryon is well behaved. ~ N