Black Friday

"What to do if someone does not like the gift you got them"  Seriously?  If someone does not like the gift I got them it is most likely because either they are forcing me to get them a present, or they put up a false face to me, and I bought (or more likely made) based on that, in either situtation they need to get over it.  If someone gives me a gift I do not want, I let them know it was sweet, but not what I needed or wanted, and ask if they would mind me giving it to someone that can use them and/or want them.

We have reached the point in the 'season' were I no longer am shopping for things (that music makes me want to curl up in a ball, crying and sucking my thumb, this might be based on my first job being in the mall during Christmas season).  I am still willing to go to the craft store and/or grocery store to buy whatever piece I need to be able to finish a present, but I have most everything already.

Apparently biting ones tongue while sneezing is funny, oh, who am I kinding, it is hilarious.

Diplomacy with lemmings. ~ U

Nothing wrong with tranny lemmings ~ E
From space. ~ D
Tranny lemmings from space? ~ U

Polish jokes are the greatest, because they are white so you get away with it. ~ A

Half in the bush with my butt out. ~ U
Regardless of if you are half in or half out, your butt is usually out. Unless it is totally hot dog down the hallway style. ~ D

Wow, and you live with this? Were you drunk or high when you married it? ~ D

I was annoyed when I was covered. ~ A
So you like it on top? ~ D

Didn't you get an email saying how you are making things easier? No, that was me. ~ U

What are you doing? ~ U
Shuing you. ~ A
She is shuing you with her butt. ~ E

Go go strawberries

Strawberries and booze
This makes me wonder about vodka filled strawberries, are they great for your liver, or does that much vodka cancel the good?

Phoenix Jones

The saddest part of the Pheonix Jones escapade, he looks so stupid when he is not wearing the costume. That hair is just silly looking. I was proud to live in a city full of geeks. Then came the Make A Wish to be a superhero. Then came these guys start patrolling our streets, in costume, it was totally Kick Ass. I always figured that at some point one of them would end up dealing with the police on the not so good guy side. I did however hope that when they were unmasked they would look like they were from this millennia. That look went out with the 80's, some places that hair lasted until the mid 90's. Even if we give him 95, that means our great superhero has not changed his look (outside the costume) in 16 years (BTW in 95 he would have been 9). For his looks sake I am so glad he went to the costume. What him being unmasked will do for the group that protect Seattle's streets is something we will have to wait to see. He has said he will continue to patrol. I hope that even though he has been unmasked that he will continue to wear the costume.

Day 7 – Favorite Game Couple

Batman, Arkam Joker and Harley

An addition to the 'What I want in a man' list, in honor of the Princess Bride reunion

List as it was Musical Smart, but education is not required Geeky Can use chopsticks Good cook (hopefully American style foods, to fill the gaps in my skills) Not a part of my main social groups Like some of my things, accepts the rest Have some similar hobbies, but has some of their own Will be a dad like: Castle Booth Be the negotiator Have a car (part of any couple should have a car, and with my hatred of driving ...) Addition Enjoys the random romantic evening (including romantic movie evenings, during which Princess Bride is likely watched)

On a side note todays date is 9-10-11, kind of cool.

Gaming without a laptop causes backlog . . .

I eat a lot of bananas. ~B
Do you eat more bananas than a San Francisco drag queen? ~ A

Do sloppy seconds taste different? ~ B (playing a vryloka)

We toss her a Sherpa. ~ A
We toss her a little man? ~ S
What? ~ A
Sherpa are guides. ~ D
Oh, no, we toss her a Burma. ~ A
Burka? ~ S
Yes, Burka. ~ A
How would one wear a Sherpa? ~ E
Put it on your head, with the feet covering the eyes. ~ D

That is why we gave her a Sherpa. The Burma Sherpa. ~ D

Having not sat down all together in so long, it was decided sex jokes/comments was the way to go

You mean I watched all that porn for nothing? ~ B

Yes, but was it gay midget porn? ~ U

It was the worst porn ever, the girls never came. ~ B
Well that it normal. ~ J
Into the frame? ~ A

I say we just do it inside the monster. ~ E
That is just kinky. ~ A

Ever been in the mile high monster club? ~ B
It is more like a mile underground club. ~ J

Fluff it up. ~ J

day 10 - favorite classic movie

The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)

Not my favourite Robin Hood by far, but I still enjoy having it on in the background.

Awesome date

I would like to point out the awesomeness of the date, at least in the America date set up (ie month - day - year), that is all

day 09 - a movie with the best soundtrack

Iron Man, Star Wars, and Lord of the Rings all have great sound tracks, clearly one is very different from the other two, but that is just who I am.

day 08 - a movie that you’ve seen countless times

Princess Bride
Gamers: Dorkness Rising
Iron Man

day 07 - the most surprising plot twist or ending

Movies do not surprise me with their ending, or twist.  Minor twists sometimes get me, here are a few:

D&D lightsaber in dorkness rising

Oxley not knowing Indy was Mutt's dad, as it was semi-implied that he knew earlier in the movie

That the military guys said no to going in to save the world in Transformer: Dark of the Moon, even if only for a moment, yes I know, they were no longer active military, but growing up military makes that action seem off to me

day 06 - favorite sequel

There are a good number of sequels that people think of as the main movie that I like, but Robert Downy Jr is too awesome, he gives those other movies a look, no need to take them out behind the wood shed and beat them like a redheaded step child.

Iron Man 2

day 05 - favorite love story in a movie

Princess Bride I know, I know, the obvious choice, but I love it.

Moulin Rouge is a very close second.  I find it interesting that my number 1 and number 2 turn out so completely different.

day 04 - a movie that makes you sad

There are a lot of movies that I will likely never watch again, because I have better ways to get in touch with sadness, ie if I need a good cry I know better ways to get it, than to spend minimum an hour and a half watching a movie.

That is to say, I do not keep track of movies that make me sad.

The best I can do as far as saying what movie makes me sad, is movies that could have been great, but turned out bad.  So how about I go with Spider Man 3

day 03 - a movie that makes you really happy

Gamer: Dorkness Rising

WAFFLES, that is all

day 01- the best movie you saw during the last year day

Best new movie I saw was Captain America.  The ending could not have been better, at least not for most comic geeks.

30 days of Movies

day 01- the best movie you saw during the last year
day 02 - the most underrated movie
day 03 - a movie that makes you really happy
day 04 - a movie that makes you sad
day 05 - favorite love story in a movie
day 06 - favorite sequel
day 07 - the most surprising plot twist or ending
day 08 - a movie that you’ve seen countless times
day 09 - a movie with the best soundtrack
day 10 - favorite classic movie
day 11 - a movie that changed your opinion about something
day 12 - a movie that you hate
day 13 - a movie that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a movie that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a character who you can relate to the most
day 16 - a movie that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a movie that disappointed you the most
day 18 - a movie that you wish more people would’ve seen
day 19 - favorite movie based on a book/comic/etc.
day 20 - favorite movie from your favorite actor
day 21 - favorite action movie
day 22 - favorite documentary
day 23 - favorite animation
day 24 - favorite movie from your favorite actress
day 25 - the most hilarious movie you’ve ever seen
day 26 - a movie that you love but everyone else hates
day 27 - a movie that you wish you had seen in theaters
day 28 - favorite movie from your favorite director
day 29 - a movie from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite movie of all time

Even after the tequila shot in the real world, and jungle juice in game we were rather tame

She bought that dress, and damn it, you're going to wear it. ~ B

There is no stopping the pantsless poker. ~ U

So I look like princess jasmine the gnome? ~ A

There was, oh fuck ~ B
Oh, him, he has had a good career since "Oh Shit" ~ J

Human sacrifice room. ~ E
Well, at least I am not human. ~ B
Whole party is safe. ~ D

Off to the east you see a proto-star forming, except you have no idea what that means. ~ D

It is a recommendation to watch during your first time. ~ J

An ax is an antibody, so is fire. ~ U

Rife is lough. ~ U

I still sometimes care ...

02 - the most underrated movie

Equilibrium

Great modernization of Fahrenheit 451

Do Not Ask

Do not ask what you
Do not want to know

You gave me heart
Only to take it away

I no longer cry for there is no longer any tears left with which to cry

Touch

I swoon at his touch
I lose myself in him
When his flesh touchs mine

Something emo from high school

Strength
Power
Safety
Freedom
Prisoner

Pulls from both sides
What is truth
Each side gives it's own

Control

I am not in control
All I want is to understand
But understanding is not in my reach
I do not know anything anymore
I must be in control of me
I cannot
I just do not want to be under anyone's control

Cabin Window

We are inside
Looking out

In here we have protection
In here we have love
In here we are naive

The world is out there
And we are afraid
To go out into it

From in here it seems
Black
Cold
No light
No protection

But once outside
It is beautiful
There is light
There is protection
There is love

Those inside think they are secure
But are no more secure
Then those outside

Day 4 – Your guilty pleasure game

Lego, anything lego, give me a horrible story, from something I do not care at all about, but is a lego game, and I will play it until I have all the offline achievements (if online achievements did not require finding someone that is actually competent I would do all those too). X-Box 360 version of lego games are preferable. The lego list is not short

Too much laughing not enough keeping track

I am going to make it dirty, for Brian. ~ A
I have never had a girl say that. ~ B
What?  Oh.  I am going to make it SOOO dirty. ~ A

I disarm them.  They no longer have arms, and are slowly bleeding to death. ~ E

Platinum enema. ~ J
Platenema ~D

Day 3 – A game that is Underrated

Most of my gamer friends think Civ Rev was kind of a waste of the Civ title. It is certainly not the game that other civilizations were, but it is great for what it is, that being a game that you play when you only have a little time, but are not in the mood to spend that time head shoting random dot bad guy. It is cute, it is silly, and it has you use your brain, a little

Day 2 – Your favorite character

Just because of the craziness that has surrounded the character is my games I shall go with City Swimmer. I love the time that my 'breaking into' her house caused a guard to enter the building, and kill her. I also quite enjoyed the time I pick pocketed her in front of the guard (if you have played Oblivion, you get why that is hilarious). Elder Scrolls Wiki article for City Swimmer

Day 1 – Very First Video Game

My first video game was Bible Adventure. I had so much fun torturing Noah, I mean I was so sad every time he was hit by a snake, or bird. I tried the other ones, but Noah was kind of my thing for that game.

My man list

I think everyone should have a list of what they want in a partner, the things that they really cannot imagine not having in a partner (or things they simply cannot imagine their partner having), so here is mine, or at least mine as it stands now.

Musical
Smart, but education is not required
Geeky
Can use chopsticks
Good cook (hopefully American style foods, to fill the gaps in my skills)
Not a part of my main social groups
Like some of my things, accepts the rest
Have some similar hobbies, but has some of their own
Will be a dad like:
      Castle
      Booth
Be the negotiator
Have a car (part of any couple should have a car, and with my hatred of driving ...)

30 Days of Gaming

Day 1 – Very First Video Game
Day 2 – Your favorite character
Day 3 – A game that is underrated
Day 4 – Your guilty pleasure game
Day 5 – Game character you feel you are most like
Day 6 – Most annoying character
Day 7 – Favorite game couple
Day 8 – Best soundtrack
Day 9 – Saddest game scene
Day 10 – Best gameplay
Day 11 – Gaming system of choice
Day 12 – A game everyone should play
Day 13 – A game you’ve played more than five times
Day 14 – Current (or most recent) gaming wallpaper
Day 15 – Post a screenshot from the game you’re playing right now
Day 16 – Game with the best cut scenes
Day 17 – Favorite antagonist
Day 18 – Favorite protagonist
Day 19 – Picture of a game setting you wish you lived in
Day 20 – Favorite genre
Day 21 – Game with the best story
Day 22 – A game sequel which disappointed you
Day 23 – Game you think had the best graphics or art style
Day 24 – Favorite classic game
Day 25 – A game you plan on playing
Day 26 – Best voice acting
Day 27 – Most epic scene ever
Day 28 – Favorite game developer
Day 29 – A game you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up loving
Day 30 – Your favorite game of all time

Mathematician

There once was this girl that could do math in her head. She played with numbers, she loved those numbers, they were her friends.  Society told her she should play with dolls, and talk to imaginary people.  She could not understand why she should not enjoy her friends, the numbers.  She wanted to fight the rules, she wanted her friends, but she let society win, she lost her friends, she lost her fun.

Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year

I had a Crystal Method thing this time last year.  "The American Way" was certainly one of my favorites.

The Perfect Imperfect

I am perfectly imperfect
I am the perfect me

People keep saying the wrongs
People keep telling me how to fix me

They say 'I love you, in spite of faults'
I say 'I love you because of your imperfections'

Day 29 – A song from your childhood

The family was all given characters from Winnie the Pooh.  There was Pooh (me), Owl (dad), Eeyore (mom), and Tigger (brother).

"Heffalumps and Woozles"

Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty

There is not a song that automatically makes me feel guilty, there are a couple of songs that are my go to songs when I feel guilty.  "Hard to Get" is one that helps me get through guilt.

Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play

For the most part if I want to know how to play a song I just learn it.  At some point I would like to learn a horn of some sort, and as that is as close to a song that I wish to play.

Words, Confusion

So many thoughts
So many things to say
So much to do
But so little time

A persons existance is so short
But a persons time is so long

We try to
Qualify
and Quantify
Give things words
Meanings
Definitions

Everything has a word
Every word has a thought
Can a rose really be defined?
Can the scent be told by one in such a way that another can smell the rose without smelling the rose?
Can the colours be described so that a blind man could see it in his minds eye?
Can a rose every really be described?
Can the same be used to mean the same thing always mean the same?

White is white
But also pale

We try to
Qualify
and Quantify
But all that comes from it is confusion

Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument

"What do you do with a Drunken Sailor" is one of the more fun songs to play.  There is no proper, no perfect, it is fun, and playful, but there are are some 'rules' to follow.  The singer plays within the rules, but plays all over.

Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh

"So What" by Pink, not much needs to be said there.

Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral

I lost too many in a shoret period of time, so I have actually decided a good bit of my memorial.  There will be nods to just about every aspect of me.  There will be a rocket, and I want "Rebuilding Serenity" to play during the 'moment of silence' (which is a concept I hate with every ounce of my being) before the rocket is shot off, and while everyone watches it shoot the whole 30-40' off the ground, and someone goes and picks it up, and ...

Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding

My wedding will not be normal, not even for the expected geek type wedding.  Most of the songs I have put on this 'list' will be plyed, the only one I can think of at the moment that I know I have not listed yet is "Scalliwag".

Everything has been done, is unique

Everything that is to be done
Has been done
There is nothing new
In this world

Every moment is unique

Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad

When I get sad, I get angry, so I guess I shall list my number two video game killing song.  "Another Brick in the Wall"

Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy

"Butterfly" by Crazy Town, I know it is really not a song to announce a love for such a song, but it is cute, and silly, and rather me

Set up for tearing gnome limb from limb

God damn it the gnomes keep falling into the toilet, and we have to fish them out, litteraly with fishing line. ~ B

Chips are for closers. ~ D

It was a stink demon coming out of me. ~ U

We seem to be walking into someones head. ~ J
I spend a turn puking in the corner. ~E
How did we start this adventure? ~ B
We found some maigc mushrooms ... ~A

Why are we climbing into someones head? ~ B
Better than climbing up its urithra ~ U
I keep puking in the corner. ~ E
No, it is worse than that.  You were 'I'm all better, I'm good' and now you have started all over again. ~ D

So we go find this gnome and rip him limb from limb. ~ E

Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry

As a gamer, the way I take out anger is killing things in video game land.  The song I prefer for video killings is "Because I got it Like That" by Jungle Brothers.  It started as my Halo song, now it is my angry killing things song.

Culture Rules All

Some say media rules our world
But culture rules all
A culture made by others
A culture made by those that came before
A culture only adjusted bt the now

We can never truly be new
Everything we are
Everything we do
Came from those that came before

Many say once we are gone nothing is left
But look around
How much of this was made before

How will other view us?
By what we leave?
What will they think
When they look at our reminants?

So short our lives
So long our effect

Not forever
No, no
Not forever
All becomes nothing, in the end
How long before we are erased?

Day 19 – A song from your favorite album

Eleventh Hour "Revolution"

Walking

Walking
Walking
Moving
Always moving
No stop
No slow

Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Well, this question is just silly.  As I listen to Pandora, all I have to do to hear a song join the station is add it to the mix.  I do kind of wish there was more Isreali music available, but nothing specific.

Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio

I do not listen to radio, at least not radio proper.  There is Pandora.  "Bulgarian Chicks" certainly seems to be played a lot, at least enough that I remember it, even though I do not keep track of most song names.

Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate

How about a song I commonly love, but often makes me want to slam my head against a wall, "Rasputin", research can make me a bit crazy.

Day 15 – A song that describes you

"Nerd Girl", need I really explain?

Mutt

I am told I am not my blood
My blood is too diluted

I do not see myself diluted
I have not been watered down

I joke that I am a mutt
Because I am mixed
But I am still whole
I am still me

I am called American
I am called Native
I am called Irish
I am called Scottish
I am called German
I am called Welsh
I am called white

I am not called WASP
I cannot be called WASP

I am a mutt
I am mixed
I am me

Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love

It is not that the song would be a surprise so much as that I know a Roma sounding Isreali band.  "Blue Eyed Black Boy"

Time to save the Republic, by splitting the Sith Army

Jedi John, he likes hos. ~ S

Jedi John looking foo de ho. ~ S

The Russians have floating balls. ~ E
I am going to need you to never say that again. ~ D

You wouldn't kill, there would be a paper trail. ~ D

They are not cannon. ~ E
Fuck cannon. ~ D

Would they have let him join the Explorer Corp, I am not sure he is smart enough to be Archaeologist. ~ E

The WLA Wookie Liberation Army. ~ P

Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure

As the guilty pleasure of my guilty pleasure "Hot Blooded" (Booth, Bones, enjoy).

Day 12 – A song from a band you hate

"Never Let You Go"
Bieber needs to go away now.

Day 11 – A song from your favorite band

I am not sure I have a favorite band, I know quite a few bands I enjoy, but cannot truthfully say that there is one band I prefer over all others.  Gorillaz is up there, so I shall go with "Clint Eastwood".

Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep

I actually created a station on Pandora for just such a purpose.  Based the station on Irish folk music, specifically songs like "The Rising of the Moon", and "Don't Go for the One".

Day 09 – A song that you can dance to

I can dance to so many songs, but there is a song I feel the compulsion to dance to, as long as I have not done too much research surrounding said song.  That being "Rasputin".

Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to

"The Boys of Belfast"

We're the boys of Belfast town
Rantin', roarin', ramblin' 'round
We're Irishmen of high renown
That's the boys of Belfast


We're the boys of Belfast town
Rantin', roarin', ramblin' 'round
We're Irishmen of high renown
That's the boys of Belfast

You will find us anywhere

In the church or on the tare

Brave and bold there's none so rare

That's the boys of Belfast

We're the boys of Belfast town
Rantin', roarin', ramblin' 'round
We're Irishmen of high renown
That's the boys of Belfast

We're the boys of Belfast town
Rantin', roarin', ramblin' 'round
We're Irishmen of high renown
That's the boys of Belfast

We can fight with sword or pen

We'll never break, we'll never bend

And if we fall we'll rise again

For we're the boys of Belfast

We're the boys of Belfast town
Rantin', roarin', ramblin' 'round
We're Irishmen of high renown
That's the boys of Belfast

We're the boys of Belfast town
Rantin', roarin', ramblin' 'round
We're Irishmen of high renown
That's the boys of Belfast

When we're back on Paddy's shore

The lassies they'll be sad no more

Tonight we'll make the rafters roar

In the pubs of Belfast

We're the boys of Belfast town
Rantin', roarin', ramblin' 'round
We're Irishmen of high renown
That's the boys of Belfast

We're the boys of Belfast town
Rantin', roarin', ramblin' 'round
We're Irishmen of high renown
That's the boys of Belfast

Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event

"The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum", I shall let ya'll let people guess what that even is, although everyone will likely get it wrong.

Day 06 – A song that reminds you of somewhere

I doubt I will ever hear "Leaving on a Jet Plane" and not think of Alaska, had a few of the kids from the camp come to the airport to see a bunch of us off, they kept singing it, over, and over, and over ... and yet I never got bored of it, now I listen to the Me First and the Gimme Gimmes version for a quick smile.

Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone

"Without me", I shall not say who I am reminded of, or why, but it does make me smile.

Day 04 – A song that makes you sad

"Green Fields of France" is what I listen to when I need a good cry, it is not that it makes me sad so much as it just helps me get in touch with that part of me.

Day 03 – A song that makes you happy

"Memories" makes me want to dance, so I shall go with that, for now.

Day 02 – Your least favorite song

I do not keep track of things I do not like, the world has more than enough suckage, why keep track of the suclage that need not be kept track of, I will say that I cannot stand music where the singer is singing nasally, it drives me crazy as a singer, and as someone whose head does not like the sound.

Learning me

I am still learning who I am
I know what I want now
I know what I need now

How can I expect someone else to be ready for me to change
When I am not sure where I will be next week
Next year

I feel too old to be finding myself
I feel too young to have lived so much

I am still learning me

Day 01 – Your favorite song

My favorite song is one of those constantly changing things, it depends on my mood, depends on what I am doing, both at the moment, and with my life as a whole.  A the moment I am totally feeling "Step it out Mary", not fully sure why, but that is just how I am right now.

30 Songs in 30 Days

30 Songs in 30 Days

• Day 01 – Your favorite song
• Day 02 – Your least favorite song
• Day 03 – A song that makes you happy
• Day 04 – A song that makes you sad
• Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone
• Day 06 – A song that reminds you of somewhere
• Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event
• Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to
• Day 09 – A song that you can dance to
• Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep
• Day 11 – A song from your favorite band
• Day 12 – A song from a band you hate
• Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure
• Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love
• Day 15 – A song that describes you
• Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate
• Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio
• Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio
• Day 19 – A song from your favorite album
• Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry
• Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy
• Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad
• Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding
• Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral
• Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh
• Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument
• Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play
• Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty
• Day 29 – A song from your childhood
• Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year

Commencement

Today is commencement.  10 years and 3 months after I graduated early from high school I am receiving my BA in Anthropology with a minor in History.  I took me a year after high school to get my AA, another 9 to get the BA, it makes me feel dirty that I let my mind waste, even if I did have reasons.

I keep trying to be proud of myself for this, and yet it just makes me feel like a failure.  It does not help that the family is making this about them.  I wanted to get together with friends and family in a small thing afterwards and I was not told that is not enough, I suck at doing my nails but I enjoy it, however when I said I was going to do my nails I was told that was not good enough, I love getting my haircut, I love new shoes, but when I am told what I want is not good enough it just goes further to prove I am a failure.  If that is what I want and it is a failure what does that make me?

I want to be proud, I want to be excited, but I just cannot get there, and the way people are acting around me is just making me feel worse, and what seems to be important to everyone else is not how they are making me feel, but how they are making me look.

Today is my commencement, and all it proves is that I am a failure.

Ya'll's be killin' me yo

So you are doin' a ho, what are you doing? ~ E

They investigated the heck out of this little planet, and you investigated Crystal all night. ~ E

He won't let you into the bar. ~ E
I give him 500 credits. ~ D
He lets you in. ~ E

I take a 20 on use the force to detect awesome incoming. ~ D

Relationship status: How many Zeltrons are there? ~ D

Graduation

Saturday is graduation, last minute everyone who had planned to come to commencement realized they messed up their schedules and cannot make it. It kind of sucks that people cannot make it, however it does leave me with spares for some friends that had not gotten enough, and a couple for the memento book I am working on.

There are lots of things I had been putting on hold while I was working on school, that I am so very annoyed at myself for having put on hold, many of those things are things that have just been lost. I continue to say as long as I learn from the experience I did not fail, I was just given another learning experience, I do get to wish I had not needed the learning experience.

Saturday is not a day to wish to have done something different over the last 2+years, but to celebrate what all I did in the time, plus the time at Shoreline Community College (many years ago).

I will look as good as I have during this entire time. There was a point when I was slightly smaller, but I was still hiding who I was then, to an extent I am still hiding who I am, however I am finally opening myself up to being me outside of when no one can know or see. All of that plus a new haircut, perfectly done nails, shoes that are gorgeous, robes that are being sew to be my perfect fit, and graduation lei will make me be as perfect as I can be.

I will say that all of those things only go to prove that I am better with help than I am alone, the haircut is always done with help from the amazing Heidi (she does not just cut it, but helps me figure out exactly who and what I am, and how to show that in my hair), the nails were done by a family friend, who went through every colour in the shop to find the perfect husky purple, the shoes were gotten with the help of the super nice sales person (and my dad, whose job was to tell me if the shoes were ugly, he said they looked not ugly), my mom is working on fixing the robe (the size I got should not have sleeves 6" longer than my fingertips, but it did, and now it has been decided all things will get fixed), and the lei is a graduation gift.

x-posting to fb

Saturday, proof I am still just learning

Most everyone I know are surprised that I had never asked anyone out, even more surprised to find out that I had not asked out the one person who had kept my eye for around half my life. Saturday, after a week of people poking and my thinking more than I had actually done on the subject I finally asked him out. We talked a bit during the day, but a decision was not made.

I got home later than I had expected, and planned on going straight to bed, what with needing to be awake incredibly early the next morning. To help with the sleeping I took an ambien. For years my best friend had been trying to get me to not take ambien, I always had told him something similar to the 'only people who have the weird occurrences are lesser people'. Saturday I learned I am one of the 'lesser people'.

I apparently pulled out my laptop, and continued the conversation about dating. At some point I got angry and started being a real bitch, even cursed him out. I found out all of this Sunday morning. I panicked. He may have kept my eye, but we had become friends, and whether or not we ended up dating I wanted to keep him as a friend.  He is now a friend that I would do just about anything to keep from losing.

I sent him a message as soon as I saw what has happened fearing the loss of a good friend. Turns out he knows me well enough, and knows how drugs can fuck people up, therefore had already decided to ignore Saturday night.

The real point here is that I learned from this. Fearing failure is a waste, failure where you do not learn from it is where the fear should be. Many people have had to end up in legal trouble, or even just personal trouble to find out that ambien was not a good choice. I learned that even though I have done it many times before I should not do anything without questioning if that is what I need now, and of it is helping me.

I have been slowly trying to be more natural with everything I do, and yet here I was taking ambien, knowing the stories, even having met people that had stories of their own. I have been trying to not use caffeine, and yet I took ambien. Ambien had just been so much a automatic for getting sleep when I had an early morning that I never thought to go natural in that one place.

I know my need to be constantly learning is great for languages, etc, but I keep hoping I have learned all I can about me, but I keep learning things about who I am, what I want, what I need, and how I should treat myself.

Growing up is apparently a life long experience, a constant learning experience.

What I want, what I need

I would say I want what everyone wants, but that is not really all that true. I want a man to worship, who is worthy of worship, and wants to be worshiped. I want to not be a great-aunt for a while longer, I do not want my great-whatever do be born with an addiction, or born with physical or mental problems because of drug use during pregnancy. I want to not need to think about what I want or need. I want to curl up with another being and just be.

I need? Well I need to move on to the next step, this next step likely involves getting a a job, moving back into the city, and becoming a more active person again. Mentally and physically I cannot stay where I am. I need to curl up with another being and just be.

All the notes shall be organized

I have been spending my free time of the last month or so organizing all my notes, from school and from my research, I have been way too scatter brained about it.  If the book is to be an Anthropological look at geeks, specifically the culture of the female geek, than I probably need to comment and reference actual Anthro concepts, so I really do need to be able too look back and see what major points I have missed/skipped/ignored.  However organizing all these notes seem to be taking longer than expected, and I have yet to figure out the best way to do it, at the moment everything is sorted by the quarter it was noted in, while I know that will not hold water for long, hopefully it either hold water long enough to get everything in the book, or long enough to find the better organizational method.

Wish me luck.

More S&Mitar

I threaten to hit him some more. ~ E
He secretly likes it. ~ N
That is why it is called the S&Mitar. ~ E

I do not know why you want me. ~ E
You heal. ~ N
And hit people with my S&Mitar. ~ E
Which also healing. ~ N

Oozes are just free lube, right? ~ B

His tentacle goes limp, too much whiskey. ~ B

I would totally watch that, Marching Band on Ice. Or cheerleaders on ice. ~ B

We have all lost part of our minds, yays

When you have a ton of stuff to do you whip it out? ~ J

It's a dark and stormy dark. ~ U

Josh is however not there. ~ D

Ah, they took our gear. ~ A

Dude, they made out with you while you were asleep. ~ E

That's not sexy. ~ A

I am great with my mouth. ~ A

Your character should not be smarter than you are. ~ D

Then I should only be playing fighters. ~ A

I am going to order food, and be surprised when it arrives. ~ B

How do you get your skin clean without a power sander? ~ J

What happens in Shadowfell, stays in Shadowfell. ~ A

I want a cage too. ~ U

Due to the Shadowfell I no longer have an internal monologue. ~ U

He might be useful for us in the future. ~ A

Why would you want a threesome with him? ~ U

There's a wight buying a dress. ~ B

You did not want to pull a Josh? ~ B

Geek Girl Con comments

At last PAX I met a roller derby girl that was starting a con, for female geeks, and those that are female geek friendly (not in the creepy way, get thee mind out of the gutter).  I was excited to have something so perfect for my research right here (Seattle being the social home for the geeks is great for me, and the research).  Sadly as time has moved on the convention has been getting more and more clique, which is one of the major reasons I have so few female friends, just because girls are raised to be clique by social rules does not mean we need to actually act like that, in fact the same social rules are the ones being broken by the mere existence of there being geek enough to even consider having a convention, let alone actually putting it on.  I hope that this problem is noticed and fixed in time to keep the convention around, but at this point there is no way I will be going, writing on the cliquish behavior is not something I need to go to GGC to do, and I really do not want to give a chapter in my book to them (damn the original concept draft of the book).  I really do hope they change, and if my book ends up getting a second version, I hope they will be ready to take the place they were to have in the current one.

The false opinions of me

Christian ~ well, yes I am kind of, I just view it from a different angle from most people.

Kinky ~ I enjoy kink, but it is not want turns me on

Poly ~ I am queer with serious leaning towards mono

Bi ~ Again queer, but with a lean towards straight

Boyfriend ~ being queer what is wanted, what is required is not what most people think of as a boyfriend, and yes I say boyfriend, not s.o., as while chicks are hot, I want guys. Really what I want is a guy that qualifies for certain number of things on a rather long list. Some of the things I am looking at with doing with my life could easily have me far away for long periods of time, and I plan to come home to only him, and I expect that if they go to a convention, or whatever whenever they are home it is to me, even if it is just a day lounging on the couch (more likely playing a board game), or going to the park.

Star Wars and fuzzy Buddhists

You work with Anthropologist, maybe some of it rubbed off on you. ~ E

Maybe I am just nosy. ~ P

The bartender gives you an oof.  That sounds dirty. ~ E

The first thing I do is find a shady bank, and the med unit, then I gamble. ~ D

It'll be a new thing, the bore the Sith technique. ~ D

Oh my god, brother is the new brochure. ~ E

I am going to play an Ewok who thinks they are a Wookie, named Nepolian. ~ D

I'm a gambler, and a degenerate, I don't break the law. ~ D

Nothing like losing your home world to bring a race together. ~ D

They are fuzzy Buddhists. ~ P speaking of Ewoks

It all started with the 'sexy' sick voice

Did you have a good cycle? ~ U

I have got to play this game, you get jack points. ~ U

It has been 5,000 years or something since I healed anyone. ~ E

/cough That heal was full of dust. ~ B

Flavourless Flav, that is totally my new rap name. ~ D

I do not like being stretched without my permission. ~ B

I turn his ax to pink. ~ U

You changed the colour of his ax? ~ E

Roll for strength. ~ D

/roll No. ~ B

The seed must flow. ~ D

The music makes it creepy, I need a hug. ~ A

Josh /points ~ U

I do not think he opens the gate of his ass. ~ D

My boob just tried to type. ~ E

I think it actually did type. ~ A

Can I still hear the music? ~ E

Yes ~ D

I keep dancing. ~ E

Is he a timelord? Because then he has two hearts. ~ E

Last of the Elf Lords. ~ B

You are trapped in your mind. You are seeing your life play out, except every point where you had a choice of right and wrong you choice wrong now. ~ D

No I want that orphanage to burn. ~ B

Now you are running in and saving the orphans. ~ D

The humans. ~ U

There goes our homeland. ~ U

Why? ~ A

I saved the humans. ~ U

We already had the spousal abuse session. ~ B

Put a bomb in it. Fill it with cream. ~ U

Although Paladins are charisma, but they are crap. ~ A

No, now you are anthropamorphising him. ~ A

He is an elemental. ~ B

Anthropornagarahpic ~ U

That would be doing it with a furry. ~ B

I would burn a furry. ~ J

Old Class Stuff - Epitaph For A Red-Headed Whore

Here lies what's left of a brazen hussy.
That gal sure had ad blazin' pussy.
So on her gravestone strike a match
in memory of her smokin' snatch.

This certainly appears to be a sexualization of a powerful woman.  I have heard people try to defend things like this, but without more being shared this can feels to be lacking in sharing in power, or advertising power, but is instead the taking of power.

Further evolution

I have let my disabilities take me into hiding. Every time I turned down going out, no matter what the reason, even the good reasons, brought me further from the real world. That is not to say I do not deal with the real world, I do in fact deal with the real world, I just choose carefully when and where to deal with the real world.

This weekend I left the house, and went out by myself to a place where I was not going even going to be hanging out with someone I knew, just watching them (not in the creepy way, their band was playing). I stayed out until my phone crashed, losing me my lifeline back to my world. I enjoyed everything outside the panicking, and really wished I had done more.

This experience made me realize what I am missing out on, and how far my issues have gone. To be a part of society I need to stop being so much of this me, and more of the me I was back in high school, the me I was before the rape, the me that enjoys just going out even without a reason, the me that could go out without being protected by others. The only good things I can say the current me has that the old me did not are two things: the first is the education, which I was clearly on the path to prior, and would have gotten, and gotten sooner than I have; the second are the friends I have made since, which I can in some ways attribute to the me I started becoming as I met them, but I think outside of the end of my main relationship that happened because of it being the only reason I met them, we would have been able to become friends, and without being able to rule out the possibility meeting them I cannot say I would not have them had I not let my life be pulled from its course.

As an anthropologist I need to not think of the world in a purely logical, scientific, mathematical way, but I am also someone who the world was convinced was to be a mathematician by the time I turned 8, who was raised by a philosopher. I still view the world in black and white, but there are only shades of grey. What was done to me was as dark as can be, but what came of it was not, where I have been is not the light path that was chosen for me, but I learned from it. I do view the world as not full of failure but full of learning opportunities, I just wish I did not take as long to learn what I needed, to move on, and not have hide for as long as I have.

Can I actually say my actions this weekend show I have evolved? No, as evolving involves moving forward, when really all I did was move back to where I had been. But I can have learned from both it, and where I have living, and those will help me evolve into the next stage of me.

Star Wars time

Do you really want to go toe to toe with me on Star Wars lore ~ D

With your little gay dwarf? ~ E

Gay Ewok. Bright pink fur. ~ D

An archeologist getting drunk after work? That never happens. /mouthing 'Yes it does' ~ E

You would think character would have lots of funny quotes, it however did not. Only a couple of quotes, and a few funny conversations, and of course references back to the gay Ewok and his bright pink fur.

Flesh to flesh

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
Caressing, controlling

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
What am I doing?

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
I want this moment to never end

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
How did we get here?

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
This is not just lust

Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin
Flesh to flesh
Skin to skin

Names mean everything and nothing

A name cannot decide what a person will become, naming your son Bill does not mean they will end up starting a tech company in their garage that will become one of the biggest names in the tech sphere. People will treat some names differently, naming your son Adolf could go badly, especially if the last name is very German.

Names, name meanings, and two people that have nothing in common except a name has caused me to think about this a bit too much.

I spent a couple of months at one point dealing names and their meanings wanting to have names that meant good things, that could not be turned into horrible nicknames, are easy enough for young people to pronounce without raping them, had good nickname options, and a few other things. This could come across as crazy as I am not planning on having kids just yet, and I was not in a relationship at the time, but once it was brought up in conversation that OCD would not let it go until I had something, OK, maybe that just proves the crazy. But naming a son Ruler Christ-Bearer, will not decide who they are, nor will Protector of Mankind Supplanter, or a daughter Mistress of the Sea Jade, but none mean things that someone would hide from, and outside Lex no bad nicknames can come from them.

My name means Bitter Honey Protector, I go by a shortened version of my middle name, that in and of itself has the meaning of Odd. I do not think bitter fits me, honey seems acceptable, but as the usually shortening of it that keeps the meaning makes me want to punch people, and when I first started going by the second half I did not know it meant something on its own, was more than a little amused when I found out that it meant odd, which fits me better than anything besides crazy.

The thing that has been weighing heavy in my thoughts the last couple of weeks were the people that made me sexually who I am, and how crazy their names our. There was one person that made me so happy, even though we were not each others primary, that caused me to see nothing in the opposite sex. I cannot say she nearly turned me lesbian, I can say she nearly made me forget my interest in the opposite sex. When things where getting right where I stopped looking at males I saw someone I had crushed on throughout high school. We bumped into each other and we were being completely non-sexual in nature, but simply dealing with him caused me to rethink. She nearly turned me, and he kept me straight. It was not until much later that I found out that they had the same last name (when I knew her she was not going by her birth name, at least not her last name).

Names mean so little and yet so much, much like there is no unique event and yet every moment is unique. Maybe had I been raised in a situation where one parent is a philosopher and the other is a political idealist, I would not question everything to such minor details, like what I might name my kids one day, or how I have had relationships with people that have the same last name.

No DnD meant BSG, not that the conversations were very game focused

Sherry, Mary, red headed chick I hang out with, oh, wait that is still both of you. ~ A

Like Faith Eliza Dushku? ~ D

Like Dollhouse, show me on the doll where I touched you. ~ U

How do you count? ~ D

Dalmations ~ A

It would be a warlord eating the consoles to get their powers. ~ B

Replace Master Chief with Mario, and you have Mario 3D. ~ B

Pull something out. ~ B

You just Amyd it in there? ~ D

You got liquor in that? ~ U

A little ~ B

Lots ~ D

If it's empty fill it with cream. ~ b

It's always been fill it with cream, you just didn't know it yet. ~ b

It's cream filled bananas. ~ D

Assume the party submission position, and we will figure this all out. ~ B

What is a geek?

Non-geeks keep telling me what a geek is. Geek is such a broad term that most anyone can be a geek. I consider a person to be a geek if they are willing to be called a geek.

Geek Flow Chart

What is a geek chick (or whatever she chooses to be called)? Someone that accepts the title geek, and is female, or considers themselves to be of the feminine persuasion.

Yes this is the short version, but the full version of what is a geek/female geek, is easily 10-20 pages. While the long version will be explain here, slowly, this seems to be as simple as I can get.

1st Pathfinder Game

He has a spear and he likes to stick it into things. ~ C

You cannot be chaotic annoying. ~ C

You just need to put your spear on vibrate. ~ B

Your flipping off your tip? ~ B

I am too busy with my spear to deal with my sack. ~ N

If you were a real man you would let her know your big is bed enough for 2. ~ B

To be fair my Bryon is well behaved. ~ N

4 times flipped off

But they are all encrypted. ~ P
Yeah, 'we hacked your site, and are stopped by your encryp...' no ~ D

Because the pen is mightier than the sword, and two pencils is even mightier. ~ P

We got big trouble ~ S
Right here is River City. ~ E

Now I want to write a song about Rivet City. ~ E

She is going to hit you so hard, so much blood would come out that Tarantino would pop into the world and say 'damn' ~ D

Sometimes when I type texts pandora pops up. Its like my phone is saying 'oh, you are typing a message, you would like some music to accompany you'. Pandora is Clippy. ~ D

After this we will go to the beach and you can kick sand in my face. ~ E

Beaches in Washington? Thats not kicking sand, thats kicking rocks. ~ D

The night ended early, so the total number of times I was flipped off was only 4, there was another one aimed at someone else.

Easy A

Just watched Easy A, and while I really liked the movie this post is just about what it got me thinking about, and the discussion I had with a friend during it.

Towards the end there is a scene where Olive and her mother are talking.  My friend teases me that I will be a mom like her.  I started crying, not because being a mom like that would be bad, but because I just want to be a mom who is proud of her kids no matter what.  I know if I had a daughter like Olive I would be proud, very proud.  I know if I had a son like Todd I would be proud, would be more proud to have a kid like him in every way, except that he stands up for her in front of others, not just in private.  But I know if I somehow ended up with someone like any of the "Christian" kids I would have serious reservations about being proud of them, not because they are "Christian", but because there are in name only.  I pray I never have a kid that needs to pay someone to make them not the lowest person on the social totem pole.  If I have a son that is straight edge, the perfect model of innocents, I want him to know that his mother is proud of him being everything I am not.

Some people say that we have kids just to punish them, some say we have kids to better the world, when I have kid(s) I want to have them because they will be a symbol of love, and I want to learn from what was wrong in my childhood, and take what was good.  I know it is too much to say I want to be the perfect mother someday, but I can say that one day I want to be a mother, and I want to be a mother that loves her kids no matter how I ruin them.

PVP D&D

I have never eaten a house cat, that I know of ~ U
Have you been to china ~ D
Yes, that is why I said that I know of ~ U

Where are you moving to? ~ U
Queen Anne ~ J
Where is that? ~ U
(only funny as everyone else is fluent in Seattle, and our South African is not)

Its very pink ~ U

It's not pants-less poker except for the dealer. ~ B

Contagious, its a real long time cunt-age. ~ U

You know they say sex ends after marriage, which is why you just make love or fuck. ~ U

Underground pants-less poker dens. D

I can see all those little green bums. ~ A

I like to fuck with people, and he gave me an invitation. ~ E
No he didn't. ~ A
She got dibs remember? ~ J
(/grabs hand, points at ring) See, dibs. ~ A

What is it PVP D&D day? ~ D

How many software engerneers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wait, that sounds like hardware problem. ~ B
But it is though. ~ J

What did those women and children do to you? ~ B

Arkham razor is what the joker uses to shave. ~ B

I make my save vs ... ~ A
Pukification ~ U

Bong fire? Why would someone want to burn bongs? ~ U

Surprise butt sex, 'til you die. ~ D

But I think I am more immature, so I have that edge. ~ B

He is full of vim and vigor. ~ J
He is full of vim and something. ~ D
He is full of vim and starburst vodka. ~ E

That was way better than my Jew joke. ~ D

More Graduation type thougthts

I just headed to bed, but could not sleep as I am just too darn giddy about things.

I was all jumpy with graduation coming up. I keep going 'this is the moment I have lived 28 years for'. But as someone who twas raised by a philosopher I think about things in a weird way. I think about how everything is new, and everything is old, everything is different, everything is always the same. Yes graduation is something I have lived the last 28 years for, then again, this moment, this post is something I have lived the last 28 years for. Whether I know in the moment of an action that everything I am and everything I have ever been is in that moment. This post is a creation of the writing, thinking, studying, and craziness that is the whole of me.

When I took my first Anthropology class the prof told us that you can never come to a situation without some predisposition about it. You cannot separate the current from the whole.

That is not to say that this coming moment is not huger than any moment I have experienced before, because there are few moments in my life that will be remembered as this one will (and it is still a month and a half away), but there are so many moments that created it, that it is not a solo moment.

Thankfully I have some time to figure out will be invited to what graduations (and decide whether I want a grad party or two). I graduated high school early, and it took me 10 years to get the BA (that would be pathetic if not for the break in the middle).

Now I shall double check what stuff I need to deal with in the next month, and then give a second attempt to sleeping.

Stuff n things, even

I have not gotten nearly as much done as I hoped today. Kept getting distracted by randomness, including my sudden cravings for things that have nothing to do with what I am doing. Like my want to go dancing, right now, and my want to have specific conversations with certain people, again, right now; there is no reason that any of these cravings should be happening right now, other than my brain cannot get off said thoughts. This is why the nice drs say I have severe mental issues, I spend more than 8 hours a day dealing with/focusing on thoughts, and unable to leave them, unable to move to the next thought, or get back to what I need to be doing.

Counseling someone like me has people going 'what order do we fix things in?', not like normalish people where they ask 'how do we help you?'. That is not to say I am broken, and need to be fixed, but that I do not like how I am, and want to make myself more productive, and useful. I already get more done than most people, but I know I could do more if I can get past lots of things, including the way my thoughts work.

Back from Hawaii

Hawaii gave me a good break from the real world, kind of. It gave me time to think, still not sure what I am going to do about so many things. Got a sun burn, not too bad, well, originally it was, but I took good care of the shoulders, and it is barely peeling, now I am slightly brown, kind of hope to keep it, as my sun allergy basically disappears if I have even the most mild of tans.

Specifically had planned to not bring anything back for people (esp since no one asked for anything), but when you see something that is the definition of someone, plans no longer matter. Now I have to hope said people do not think I am saying anything other than 'this is so you'.

Now to cleaning, organizing, and making up for missing a week of the real world.

The gods took a paintbrush to the sky

The gods took a paintbrush to the sky
Clearing the black with red so vibrant
Red so bold
Mother Earth’s fires in the sky
The orange streaks the black
Flying the horizon
Then yellow merging with the blue
Before reaching for the midnight black of the heavens

As the black reaches for the edge of the world
The colours lose their vibrance
They lose not their boldness
They gain their full strength
The red turns to blood as it fights for it’s last moments of splendor
The blue takes the places held by green, yellow, and their sister orange
As it loses its own to the black
Fighting to not be taken
But the black will win
And win it does
It takes blue and red to slivers
Before taking them completely
They flash one last time,
Tomorrow they will again be painted,
Tomorrow they will fight the black

Waiting is evil

I have not flown in so very, very long. Now I am all hyper with anticipation.

I also find my mind racing with so many thoughts, and nothing to do with them, except apparently write them, and probably post them.

Mono not quite working right, kind of

So after much soul searching I have realized I am in all actuality a monogamous person. Then last night happened, and while technically neither person involved is in a relationship, this seems to be me telling me that I suck at monogamy.

I guess Hawaii will give me time to do some more soul searching, or at least come to grips with my sucking at monogamy.

From torture to tea

I was having emotional issues at the time, thank you very much. ~ S

I am going to wait outside his house, and wait until he comes home and talk nicely to him and make him tea. ~ N

We could do an interpretative dance. ~ S
We have issues. ~ E

I will head out there with tea for him. ~ S

Hurt not heal, got it. ~ S
He figures if you just hit the wound enough it will close up. ~ D

I call a halt. ~ S
I am pretty sure he is busy. ~ N
We do not have a halt in the group ~ S
No, but we know a Holt. ~ N

What if you just give us the information and we just kill you, you say they will do worse. ~ N

You don't know him well enough to give him oil. ~ N

Bob's shady chicken place, discretely serving chicken for 20 years. ~ N
No, only for a week, the week before it was something else, and the week before that it was something else. ~ E
No, that week it was Bert's butcher shop. ~ D
But the week before that it was a shady business. ~ E
Yes. ~ D

On the list we put a 'B' for burnt. ~ S

We cross them off, a little 'd' for dead. ~ S

It says accidental ... ~ D
dimemberment. ~ N
Yes. ~ D

You get back to your house and your prized azelia's have been torched. ~ D
POR QUUUEEE. ~ N

I mourn the bacon. ~ E
We are gathered here today to mourn the death of bacon, ~ N
Kevin Bacon? ~ D
I wish. ~ N

I roll a natural 20. ~ S
Ok, so you get a google street view. ~ D

Don't avoid anything, just run him over. ~ N

Finishing school and how it has fucked with my head

For most of my adult life I have been an unrepentant polyamorous pansexual. I have trouble caring about the biologically defined sex of a person, and enjoy aspects in my partners from just about every socially defined gender. I have never had issue with my partner sleeping with others, as long as we both have the same rules placed on those relationships.

Recently school has been showing me how normal my queer relationship opinions are. In one class we spent a week on what the definition of queer is. I found myself seeing what educated people actually think about queer, and how they get from point a (mommy says that is wrong) to point b (actually that seems pretty normal).

I still see myself as queer, but leaning toward monogamy. This is not me saying 'go monogamy', I still see the way society acts about it as a social disease. I still see no reason for me to choose someone based on their biological sex, or their socially defined gender. I see no reason for our society to say monogamy is the only way. But when I look at myself I see someone looking for one person to be their life long partner. That is not to say I would ignore a perfectly healthy poly relationship because they are poly, I would just want more restrictions than most poly relationships I have been in or around.

Being 28 and still growing up, this shit be wack yo. Then again I still have issues telling people that would never judge me things about myself (including the whole becoming mono thing, thankfully none of those peeps are likely to end up here, at least not anytime soon), so maybe I am not all that grown up, then again, do we ever stop growing up?

Excerpt from an ethnography on geek dance

Rusty Con is the Seattle area Sci-Fi Fantasy convention. There are many conventions that are related to Rusty, Rusty is the most localized of the conventions for the Seattle area, the next level up is NorWesCon, and the one up from there is WesterCon. These conventions are loosely affiliated, but have strong bonds both in the people who come, and those who run them.

There are many things that convention goers expect from the Convention Dance, no matter what level, or where you are in the US. Latex outfits, leather outfits, and Cosplay are expected, recently Steam Punk joined the usual attire to be seen at convention dances. But as this is a dance certain songs being played are more important than any other aspect of the dance, and the DJ must make sure to time the playing of these songs, so they are not too close together, nor so far apart that convention goers are too enticed to leave to go to the room parties. The most important songs on this list are “Rasputin” by Boney M, “Burning Time”, and “When you’re evil” by Voltaire.

The song that seems to have formed the most structural culture at the conventions is “Rasputin”. In a previous ethnography I asked Andrew, a good friend from Russia, about this song.

I have never heard the song "Rasputin" by Boney-M prior to arriving to the US, and I only heard it here when I went to my first Sci-Fi convention. Most of my friends knew of my heritage, and I was surprised that they expected me to recognize the song immediately. Most of them were taken aback when I mentioned I have never heard the song before, and didn't know of the band that sung it. Apparently, in their minds, any song that mentions Russia or Russians should be greatly popular in Russia itself. The song does not illicit any particular emotion - I like the beat, and I find the lyrics somewhat humorous. The dance that goes with the song at conventions made me laugh at first, and the realization that my American friends thought that's how all Russian dance made me laugh even more. Overall, I think the song is a nice Sci-Fi convention tradition, and I'm happy to kick my feet up a couple of times if it makes my American friends giggle with delight.

Convention goers had taken aspects of what they thought was Russian culture, which it is in fact Ukrainian dance, mixed with bits of American culture top create the basics of the dance. The dance to this is both very communal, with everyone in a circle with their arm behind their neighbors back, and yet very much a show of skill, with those wanting to show their dancing prowess going into the center of the circle.

While America is considered a Christian country by many, in geek circles the less traditional religions are more the norm. In a nod to this another song that no convention dance can get away with not playing is “Burning Times”. This is less a communal dance, and more a dance where people who practice any aspect of Wicca show their connection to Mother Earth, and the ways they do this can sometimes be very obvious, and other times very obscure. No matter the how or the why behind the movements, they mean something powerful and important to the dancer.

Overheard from a Pathfinder game, while working on a scarf in the corner

Dark elves are Americans. ~ N
No, but I like dark elves. ~ B

Lunk will help you get up there. ~ N
By breaking your legs. ~ D

Speed slugs. They are painted red. ~ B
Painted red? ~ E
Red things go faster. ~ B

Guys, this isn't WoW. ~ D

Lunk will heal you, tank the slug. ~ N

The slug is laughing at him. ~ B

How about Lunk's efeminite younger brother? ~ N
Badonka-donk-donk. ~ B

If slugs coudld look puzzle, he would look puzzled. ~ C
He is a puzzled laughing slug. ~ B

He taught it to feel. ~ D
He taught it to love laugh and be confused. ~ B

I fail. ~ D
Bet you're bloody now. ~ N

How do you go so much damage? ~ J
He makes up numbers. ~ N

Lawful stupid, our group. ~ N

You stick your finger in it and it gets wet. ~ C

I softly punch him in the nuts. ~ D

No, you cannot sell the gift from beyond the gates of death. ~ N

You feel like doing very naughty thing to Kay. ~ C

Not South enough. It's underground. ~ N

How do we even getting any play in?

You bad man. Me love you long time. ~ S

I like looking like peoples brothers. ~ S

I have a good amount of sharp metal leverage. ~ N

So what are you doing? ~ D
Admiring your cat. ~ P
People on ecstasy admire your cat. ~ N
We're not doing drugs. ~ S

The dread brochure. ~ N
The Dread Brochure Roberts. S

I've got my rod. ~ P

My magic rod. ~ P

And you have rod expertiece. ~ D
Plus 2. ~ P

I have a thing. ~ N
He has a thing. ~ P

Holy crap batman. ~ P
Robin would not say holy crap. ~ E
Holy charred corpses batman. ~ N

Slap him, that always helps. ~ N

Fucking physics. ~ D
He has been saying that all day. ~ E
I will stop saying it when it stops fucking me. ~ D

Pooky will help me with the big long words. N
He points at a word and says 'the'. ~ D

I am going to roll arcana guess who got arcana specialization? ~ S
I am never running a game that has magic again. ~ D

The shirt has eyes. ~ N

Don't insult the phallus's. I was just sticking up for my buddy. ~ S
You do not need to stick up for phallus's, they stick up on their own. ~ E

Do a bro check. ~ D

He's taking you home to meet his mother. ~ P

There is only about a 60 year difference between those references. ~ S

There is no way this could end poorly. ~ N

It's like imaginary friends, but real. ~ N

I keep drinking. How drunk am I? ~ N

He picks you up, you puke on his back. ~ D

I know you are going to shot me, but I roll arcana. ~ S

To leave a torture victim press 3. ~ N

You wake up dead. ~ P

Captain couch surfer. ~ N

You have the most anti-girly hic-up. It is not masculine, but is somehow the opposite if girly. ~ E

I add stuff I guess. ~ N

One of these days Pooky, one of these days. ~ N
Bang zoom straight to the moon. ~ E

They know we are not dead, because we keep running around the market making fools of ourselves. ~ N

I am in the mood for something different. ~ E
Something fabulous. ~ N
You get a mohawk ~ D

We could have taken a train. ~ P
Yes, we could have stayed around and died while waiting for a train. ~ E

The subject is ultramarino. The message is "Here I don't grudge it take it". ~ D (reading from a spam email)
You opened it, now your computer is infected with ultramarino. ~ P

What's shaking Japan? ~ N

How did you get that stuck there. ~ D

I am not doing it to judge, I am doing it to enjoy. ~ S

We're off to see the wizard. ~ (missed who started this one)
The wonderful wizard of Sharn. ~ E

Try not to get taken out to the dumpster too often. ~ N

Birthday gaming quotes

Then, at 7, 7 shots. ~ N

There is nothing worse then not expecting it and getting it in the mouth. ~ N

Don't you hate it when you penis falls asleep? ~ L

Ya'll make no sense, and I am the one drinking. ~ E

I am pretty sure you just got killed by your apprentice. ~ Sc

Unless you convert you can never unjew. ~ Sc

Don't worry about it, we will tell you when you are older, and Ul I am sorry. ~ Sh

I am neither mafia, nor a cylon. ~ Sc

Quotes started early this evening

This chick is wrong. ~ U

But it was charged when it was stolen. ~ A

It's so small, it's Amy size. ~ A

I want to try African accent. ~ U

What is the dragon's name. ~ U
Beck, because she comes at our call. ~ A

Clearly it is not a face die. ~ U
What did you give him, and why are you not sharing ~ D

It's the konami code, get it right or pay the price. ~ B

You made a woman. ~ B
Undo it, undo it. ~ D

You birthed me, that seems wrong ~ E

Sort of like a penis to an ocean. ~ A
I do not get it ~ E
Because I fucked it up ~ A

I crit that, 22. ~ U

Gnomiwood ~ B
That is going to be a thing. Adventures in Gnomiwood. ~ D

Raitions? No, it is rations, even in South Africa. ~ U

Why don't you bend over while I check your pocketbook. ~ B

If you get something out of it, and not something in you. ~ U

So many Ella ~ D

That is both gross and disgusting. ~ J

Of all the references, pachinko machine? ~ E

Painting an army

I am not very good at PC when dealing with friends, but this is probably the worst I have ever done

Any opinion on weapon color for my hordes army? I'm going for a purpley pink grey sunset as the general color scheme ~ D
I understand that I have female parts, but that does not make me a girl ~ E
wuzzat have to do with anything? ~ D
You are asking me colour questions, you ask girls and gays that ~ E

The really sad part? I actually do paint minis.

And award for the night goes to the kind of Frenchman

Last nights campaign has started an advertising company, and we went to convention. Our companion that had finally decided started to live life sober found his way back to the bottom of a pint (many pints). And our slightly off putting Shaman/Druid that was raised in the wilds, is still not understanding city life. It just got worse from there.

Buy our weapons of mass destruction. ~ N

What are you going to ask, "Is that what you used to blow up that dirty elf country?" ~ N

We could make up a country, "We represent Whogivesafuckistan." ~ N

I am going to write a letter to Leovin "Dude, don't do it. Jesus Christ, restraining order, moved 3 states, OH MY GOD need car." ~ N

I know you're going to laugh at me, but I am going to work on- ~ S
Posters? ~ P
Brochures ~ S

They have good examples of brochures. ~ S
So many shots. ~ N

I think your mom's gay, no wait that's my mom. ~ N

Pooky is very appreciative in his pink leopard print hat ~ D
Pimpin' Pooky, pimpin'. ~ P

"You have reached the point in the campaign where you defend your party members, 'They really are good people.' ~ N

I liked 'well it's not yellow this time.' ~ N
At least it is not brown anymore. ~ D

Awww, Pooky, let's not have an alcoholic Pooky. ~ S

Did you hear about the 6th graders who started a fight club? They obviously forgot the first rule of fight club. ~ C
And the second rule. ~ B

You were drinking while we were playing D&D. And you did not offer me any. ~ N
I offered you some. ~ E
I thought it was gatorade. ~ N
You thought it was date rape? ~ B
You saw me going and filling it up, what did you think I was filling it up with? ~ E

Unfortunetly Santa has run out of ammo. ~ B

Cosmic-Bang-Hunters ~ B
"Cosmic Bang Hunters", sounds like a bad porn. ~ N
Galactus as the pizza boy. ~ D

There is a void in Nick that needs to be filled with Rosen. ~ D
Only one? ~ N
There can be only one. ~ B

Staring the Rock as Frodo Baggins. (I sadly was laughing so hard that I completely missed who said it)

As long as you only cuddle my face. ~ N

What I really miss about Canada, card games, and legos. ~ B
Because we do not have cards. ~ N
And we don't have legos, even though it is an American company. ~ D

Only you and George R R Martin use the term 'bedding'. ~ N

She is just on a present high. ~ C (and I totally was)

More Quotes

"I am pretty sure they think you are a gnome dancing on a cart." ~ J

"I like to fight, but I also like living." ~ A

"They look like carp, and you can't trust a fish." ~ U
after much laughing
"What do you mean fish?" ~ B
"We like gold fish." ~ A

"I think we should go straight at them, it is the last thing they will expect." ~ B

"Why would you tell us at the beginning, that is like recon and shit." ~ A"

"Technically I have multiple character sheets, does that count for anything." ~ A

"It is not the crown of light hopeful drizzle." ~ A

"And when I get hit I beep." ~ J
"You need to replace your RAM." ~ B

"Can we cross the stream?" ~ A
"Never cross the streams." ~ D