Commencement

Today is commencement.  10 years and 3 months after I graduated early from high school I am receiving my BA in Anthropology with a minor in History.  I took me a year after high school to get my AA, another 9 to get the BA, it makes me feel dirty that I let my mind waste, even if I did have reasons.

I keep trying to be proud of myself for this, and yet it just makes me feel like a failure.  It does not help that the family is making this about them.  I wanted to get together with friends and family in a small thing afterwards and I was not told that is not enough, I suck at doing my nails but I enjoy it, however when I said I was going to do my nails I was told that was not good enough, I love getting my haircut, I love new shoes, but when I am told what I want is not good enough it just goes further to prove I am a failure.  If that is what I want and it is a failure what does that make me?

I want to be proud, I want to be excited, but I just cannot get there, and the way people are acting around me is just making me feel worse, and what seems to be important to everyone else is not how they are making me feel, but how they are making me look.

Today is my commencement, and all it proves is that I am a failure.