Wheeeeeeeeeeee

Non profit privateering ~ m

Smile

Music and me

Sometimes it feels like I was born with a million medical issues.  The only thing that is always that has always comforted me is music, even with the worst migraine I can listen to music.   I however have this issue where I cannot get comfort from music where I can see myself involved in it, is narrows the type of music I can listen to for comfort.  I can listen and dance to anything, but not when I'm in pain.  When in pain I need to have words or violin, preferrably both.  I think it helps me focus on something other than the pain.  This means a lot of folk music, modern folk, traditional folk, even the rather odd combination of techno and folk.

I sometimes feel like I'm missing out, by narrowing what I will listen to.  When not in pain I enjoy listening to almost anything.  However it seems most the time I am in pain.

Come back later for my why Romani music always makes me smile

Racist, why yes

People think I cannot be racist, I am white (kind of, I call myself mutt, but most of the ancestory is European), I chose to bus from the suburbs to the inner city for high school, I not only go to a historically African demonination church but sing in the senoir choir, and that is just the start of a rather long list of thing one would not expect of the given mold of me.  But yes I am racist, just not the usual definition of white person racist.

I think whites are given the keys to run the world, and still cannot make the self worth much.  I think Asians are culturally pushed to be better.  Blacks are told by society that they are worth less, but many still stand up.

So when someone does good that is white or Asian I see it as expected, when they are black I think 'good for them'.

So yes, I am racist, just not in the usual way

I love being a geek

My best friend and I are having a discussion about whether we can call Transformers a metaphor for what is happening in America, or just a warning of what could happen.

Living the line

I walk the line
Always walking the line

Youngest of the old
Oldest of the young

Dumbest of the wise
Wisest if the dumb

Too geek to be a true researcher
But researchers are never truly one of their subjects

White in the black
Black in the white

Worst of the best
Best of the worst

Too classical to be pop
Too pop to classical

Both sides are always puling
I let them take me
I hate letting sides win

Brightest of the deep
Deepest of the bright

When am I me
When am I more than the line

My sex life, lack there of

I have previously written about lack of interest in sex.  Today I went for a study visit where ether Dr asked if there was a connection between the decreased sex drive might have something to do with my chosen birth control.  Looking back I think that might have been something I should have changed sooner.  After only a couple of weeks on the new medication I got that part of me back.

There was more to my decrease than just the medicated ring, however when multiple things get together, one must either change change what you can or accept the new self.  I am glad I chose change.

I keep thinking I know my body so well, then something like this pops up, shows and me how wrong I am.

All are one

I have finally gotten everything all together.  All the blogs I had all over the net, are now here.

On a side note:  If you do not get the subject, I feel sorry for you.

Notes from back in the day

As someone that does research on Geek Girl Culture, there needs to be more dealt with than just Geek Girl culture, but also the over arching female culture, and this is a poem I received while taking a class on the image of women throughout history.

Barbie Enters a Contemplative Order

"Sister Barbie" has a nice ring, don't you think?  And where else is there to go when you're sick of the dream house?  A girl can only take so much pink.  I've done the globe -- gone from Native American buckskin to Indian sari.  With the right outfit, I'll fit anywhere, straddle the ages: from Pilgrim Goody to Dead Head Barbie, from Mary Magdalene to Jackie O.  Sans crow's feet, sagging boobs and bunions, time's tno stumbling block.

I've tried on Dorothy's pinfore and pigtails, though I couldn't click the ruby slippers.  Glinda's puffed-sleeve prom dress fit me too, and her star-tipped magic glittered in my hand.  Poor Ken, with the fake ticker stitched to his Tin Man chest, made me consider what I've missed.  Made me want to sing, "If I only had a clit."

So I was ready for my stint as Rapunzel Barbie.  But after Ken hung, tangled in my braids, found himself tossed into my bower, we couldn't think of anything to do but pose.  Who'd have believed, I'd want to lose my hair?

But first, on to Grecian Goddess Barbie, though which one?  Must be Aphrodite.  Fleet-footed Artemis wouldn't be caught dead in all that fru-fru.  Ringlets, and bracelets, and crown: oh my!  I would have made a cute Persephone, my lips painted a pouty pomegranate.  Or why not Demeter, Mother Extraordinaire?  Why not Hestia, the happy house-frau?  Why not Hecate, gaunt and wizened Godess of the Crossroads?

It's her realm Sister Barbie crosses into, where I'll face down wrinkles and decay, as long as I don't - please God - meet up with Father Ken in this get-up, I'll just die.  Think of it as entering a whole new world of accessories - trading jewels for rosary, pocketbooks for prayer book.  I'll enter singing "If I only had a soul."



There will likely be more notes from back in the day, especially now that I no longer have scheduled research time.  The lack of scheduled research also means what will be appearing here will get more and more random until everything starts to come together for publishing.

Time for some board gaming quotes

If moms were pokemon, I would have them all ~ N

I do not recognize any of the symbols ~ J
I do, this is a circle, this is a triangle ~ C

Did you put ice cream on a cookie? ~ N (it was in fact)

Anybody want to trade?  No, wait ~ N

Overthinking, thinking thinking thinking

I overthink excessively, I mean really obsessively excessively overthink.  I commonly find myself overthinking, then overthinking how obsessively I am overthinking.

I keep trying to keep it from affecting more than just my own mind, but I see it attract the way I act with people which means out cannot to kept from affecting others.

Certain people are capable of getting me to not overthinking around them they do so just by existing.  I still overthink things after, but they are a short term fix.  I want to be the best me I can be without needing them.

I want to be me without the obsessions, without the fixations, without the overthinking, but without those who am I?

Artifacts

Here I sit, at my best friends apartment.  I am surrounded by geek stuff.  When actually studying culture these items get called artifacts, when I am not playing the role of researcher I call them entertainment, or memories, or equipment.  People do not think about the things that they use on a daily basis as artifacts, those who died thousands of years ago did not think of their items as artifacts either, but now that is all they are known as.  In some ways I feel we take out the personal in research, on many levels research fails when the personal is left in, but when we completely take out the personal what is left?

In one class I asked how other would feel about their ancestors being dug up for research, one classmate actually responded with "My family is of no value to science" he went on to say Native Americans just need to get over 'it'.  He had clearly removed too much of the self from research, one needs to think what if it were me that is being researched, how would I feel.  It is people who have completely removed the self from research, that did not think of those being research as people just like them that has caused Native Americans to be so strong against researchers.

Researchers need to be in balance with their subjects, people or otherwise.

Sometimes I wonder/BDSM

Do I enjoy pain because I feel it all the time, and therefore need to either learn to love it or go insane?
Do I enjoy switch partners because I cannot fully access my dom or sub side without a second person?

Sex has been ruined?

There are a few guys that stopped having sex after having sex with me, I always thought that strange as I am not that great, nor did I think even the most amazing of sex was worth not ever having sex again even if 'nothing could ever compare' (although I still think they had somehow just gone through life never knowing good sex).

I have not had sex in quite some time, it is not that I think nothing could ever compare, I just found myself in a sexual rut, I know there are people out there that are amazing partners for me, people that can turn me into a quivering ball of flesh.  This rut left me without a sex drive, and without a sex drive one will not find themselves having sex.  After about six months I found myself wanting the next person to be special, some part of my brain said that after going that long without I needed the next time to be more than just sex.  After a year I stopped caring about the idea of sex, outside of my monthly heat.  At 18 months I realized how long it had been and felt a bit sorry for myself and considered finding pity sex, just because that is way too long for someone that had kind of been the definition of a sex fiend.

Yesterday I woke up with a sex drive again, I want to figure out a way to keep the sex drive, and as this is not me being in heat I think I might have a chance to actually keep it for more than a week, and maybe even go back to normal me, although hopefully a less sex fiendy version of me.

Creepy Serial killer check ...

You succeed in coaching your team in your creepy serial killer check to make it appear that it was all an accident ~ n

I hope you find a wife who makes horrible sandwiches – c

Then I poop in her purse – b

A tree shambles into the inn . . . – b

Then huffs off – n

There are so many drakes in azeroth – b

Someone needs to spay their drakes – n

Especially those proto drakes – b

We could ride the turtle after them. ~ b

Yes, because turtles are known for their speed. ~ m

Some people have jobs, Brent, I know adventurers are not one of them. ~ n

Only one dwarf was injured in the making of this fight. ~ c

Where are you hiding the weasels? ~ c

Like a banana condom ~ b

0 is the best initiative, you always go first, but you are surprised ~ b