Home
I grew up in a Christian home. My mom was raised Pentecostal, my father a Lutheran. My brother and I were raised Presbyterian. I loved the church I grew up in. Classes were very organized, services were beautiful (though I would usually draw during them), the camps that they had were amazing. University Presbyterian did a very good job of walking the line between entertaining and educating.
My love of my childhood church would not last.
When I was still a child I received a care package from one of my God Mothers, in it were a few items she thought a Christian girl should have. The most important item Admiral Hazard sent me was a prayer, a prayer to Jesus decorated with the Heart of Christ. This prayer has followed me my life, I am looking at it as I type this. It usually hangs above my bed, I do not prayer it daily, it does however remind me to prayer as I get into bed each night. This care package made me realize their was more to Christianity than how I was raised, it was because of this package that I first felt I should join a religious order.
My love of the prayer has never decreased, only increased.
There was a children's program I saw while I had pertussis, it had a live action of Our Lady of Guadalupe. I fell in love with her that day. I knew I was not a Catholic, I was a Presbyterian, however I knew that she would be important to me my whole life.
My love of Our Lady was odd for a Presbyterian, and that has lasted through everything.
I grew up in a Christian home. My mom was raised Pentecostal, my father a Lutheran. My brother and I were raised Presbyterian. I loved the church I grew up in. Classes were very organized, services were beautiful (though I would usually draw during them), the camps that they had were amazing. University Presbyterian did a very good job of walking the line between entertaining and educating.
My love of my childhood church would not last.
When I was still a child I received a care package from one of my God Mothers, in it were a few items she thought a Christian girl should have. The most important item Admiral Hazard sent me was a prayer, a prayer to Jesus decorated with the Heart of Christ. This prayer has followed me my life, I am looking at it as I type this. It usually hangs above my bed, I do not prayer it daily, it does however remind me to prayer as I get into bed each night. This care package made me realize their was more to Christianity than how I was raised, it was because of this package that I first felt I should join a religious order.
My love of the prayer has never decreased, only increased.
There was a children's program I saw while I had pertussis, it had a live action of Our Lady of Guadalupe. I fell in love with her that day. I knew I was not a Catholic, I was a Presbyterian, however I knew that she would be important to me my whole life.
My love of Our Lady was odd for a Presbyterian, and that has lasted through everything.
Evolution
The evolution of my faith was not a slow or gradual one. I was on one track, and was forced off it by the church I grew up in.
I had been wild in my youth, I never left the church, I was just wild and a troublemaker. But was a leader and teacher, on my way to living a life as leader in a church.
Then I was raped. I told my boyfriend, who told the leaders of the college program, who told the leaders of the children's programs. Victim blaming broke me. I lost many friends, I lost my plan in life, I lost my goal, I lost my boyfriend, I lost school, I even lost faith in humanity, but never lost my faith in God.
I was too broken to keep going as I had been.
One friend helped me make new friends, I quickly rebuilt some aspects of me, but what I saw as who I would be was not to be regained.
I left churches for awhile, when I went back it was to Lutheran churches, then an African Methodist Episcopal, then I game to where I belong.
The evolution of my faith was not a slow or gradual one. I was on one track, and was forced off it by the church I grew up in.
I had been wild in my youth, I never left the church, I was just wild and a troublemaker. But was a leader and teacher, on my way to living a life as leader in a church.
Then I was raped. I told my boyfriend, who told the leaders of the college program, who told the leaders of the children's programs. Victim blaming broke me. I lost many friends, I lost my plan in life, I lost my goal, I lost my boyfriend, I lost school, I even lost faith in humanity, but never lost my faith in God.
I was too broken to keep going as I had been.
One friend helped me make new friends, I quickly rebuilt some aspects of me, but what I saw as who I would be was not to be regained.
I left churches for awhile, when I went back it was to Lutheran churches, then an African Methodist Episcopal, then I game to where I belong.
I had been wild in my youth, I never left the church, I was just wild and a troublemaker. But was a leader and teacher, on my way to living a life as leader in a church.
Then I was raped. I told my boyfriend, who told the leaders of the college program, who told the leaders of the children's programs. Victim blaming broke me. I lost many friends, I lost my plan in life, I lost my goal, I lost my boyfriend, I lost school, I even lost faith in humanity, but never lost my faith in God.
I was too broken to keep going as I had been.
One friend helped me make new friends, I quickly rebuilt some aspects of me, but what I saw as who I would be was not to be regained.
I left churches for awhile, when I went back it was to Lutheran churches, then an African Methodist Episcopal, then I game to where I belong.
Influences
I grew up Presbyterian
My mom was raised Pentecostal
My dad was raised Lutheran
My God Mother, Roberta Hazard, was Catholic
I touched a toe in each
When I was in high school I visited a Lutheran church, loved the service and its weekly communion
When I was treated poorly by my childhood church I spent most of my time at Lutheran services
As an adult a dear friend invited me to go to Saint Mark's Cathedral, it was the feast of the Pentecost. By the end of the service I knew I was home.
I grew up Presbyterian
My mom was raised Pentecostal
My dad was raised Lutheran
My God Mother, Roberta Hazard, was Catholic
I touched a toe in each
When I was in high school I visited a Lutheran church, loved the service and its weekly communion
When I was treated poorly by my childhood church I spent most of my time at Lutheran services
As an adult a dear friend invited me to go to Saint Mark's Cathedral, it was the feast of the Pentecost. By the end of the service I knew I was home.
Checklist
In this process to write a spiritual autobiography I have looked at questions to help me organize thoughts. I found a Spiritual Formation Assessment that gave a checklist, I went over the list, and as it suggested it might I learned something about myself, and show me where I could improve. I certainly saw where I could improve, while I checked the boxes I saw myself not answering the question but describing my answer.
Here goes
- I practice some form of personal prayer
- Every morning, as part of a routine
- I pray with other Christians
- I rarely spend time in prayer with others outside of services
- I read my Bible devotionally
- As part of my morning routine (BCP)
- I read spiritual writings
- While busing. If I am busing I am probably reading. When I bus is currently random, I am hoping that getting a normal job will increase my reading times.
- I study the Scriptures
- As part of my morning routine (BCP)
- I spend time by myself in quiet solitude or silence
- I spend a short time as part of my daily routine, I am trying to add more silence and music to my life.
- I fast or engage in other deliberate acts to simplify my life from over-dependence on material things]
- I cut something for a short time every week, but I could do more I just am not taking that step
- I keep a personal journal of my thoughts, feelings, and prayers
- I make notes, they are random and not all in one place. I am hoping this space will once again be where I post such things, and I hope other will keep me accountable
- I contribute from my financial resources through
- Tithing and offerings as I can, when I can. Money is so tight I commonly go to a local church instead of going all the way to my parish.
- I participate in the ministry of my local church
- I was in the women's choir at St Mark's however that was cut, I have yet to find a new ministerial home.
- I engage in some form of ministry or service to the poor and needy in my world
- While I have not found a new ministerial home at St Mark's, I have found a place where my skills are useful. I volunteer at the STAR Center (Special Technology Access Resource), I run the computer lab as well as the Facebook page. I enjoy giving my time, I enjoy the people who use the lab, I love the love that I feel here.
- I participate in a worship service in a local church
- As often as I can, I would like to say I go weekly, possibly with some during the week, however that is not something I can afford. This is another thing I hope will improve once I have a job.
- I practice "sabbath" as a period set aside for rest and renewal
- I try to do as little projects on Sunday as possible. It is not a day for laundry, or whitewashing the fence (which would not work anyway).
- I receive spiritual direction from a spiritual guide or mentor
- I have a few people I use for this, and I talk with at least one of them every month.
- I participate in a small group where I can share, seek guidance, and be held accountable for growth
- I have friends that I see at least one of them a week, we only get together as a group once a month or so.
- I enjoy social interaction (fellowship and celebration) with brother and sisters in Christ
- Much less than I would like. This is another point where I hope having a job would change and increase my ability to afford to go to other or bring others to me.
- I engage in a personal care practice that build my physical, mental, and/or emotional life
- I do yoga as part of my morning routine, I see a therapist every other week, but how I could do more. I could join a gym and get more of a workout, I could do some much. I am stuck for the moment, but I will not let it stay that way.
In this process to write a spiritual autobiography I have looked at questions to help me organize thoughts. I found a Spiritual Formation Assessment that gave a checklist, I went over the list, and as it suggested it might I learned something about myself, and show me where I could improve. I certainly saw where I could improve, while I checked the boxes I saw myself not answering the question but describing my answer.
Here goes
Here goes
- I practice some form of personal prayer
- Every morning, as part of a routine
- I pray with other Christians
- I rarely spend time in prayer with others outside of services
- I read my Bible devotionally
- As part of my morning routine (BCP)
- I read spiritual writings
- While busing. If I am busing I am probably reading. When I bus is currently random, I am hoping that getting a normal job will increase my reading times.
- I study the Scriptures
- As part of my morning routine (BCP)
- I spend time by myself in quiet solitude or silence
- I spend a short time as part of my daily routine, I am trying to add more silence and music to my life.
- I fast or engage in other deliberate acts to simplify my life from over-dependence on material things]
- I cut something for a short time every week, but I could do more I just am not taking that step
- I keep a personal journal of my thoughts, feelings, and prayers
- I make notes, they are random and not all in one place. I am hoping this space will once again be where I post such things, and I hope other will keep me accountable
- I contribute from my financial resources through
- Tithing and offerings as I can, when I can. Money is so tight I commonly go to a local church instead of going all the way to my parish.
- I participate in the ministry of my local church
- I was in the women's choir at St Mark's however that was cut, I have yet to find a new ministerial home.
- I engage in some form of ministry or service to the poor and needy in my world
- While I have not found a new ministerial home at St Mark's, I have found a place where my skills are useful. I volunteer at the STAR Center (Special Technology Access Resource), I run the computer lab as well as the Facebook page. I enjoy giving my time, I enjoy the people who use the lab, I love the love that I feel here.
- I participate in a worship service in a local church
- As often as I can, I would like to say I go weekly, possibly with some during the week, however that is not something I can afford. This is another thing I hope will improve once I have a job.
- I practice "sabbath" as a period set aside for rest and renewal
- I try to do as little projects on Sunday as possible. It is not a day for laundry, or whitewashing the fence (which would not work anyway).
- I receive spiritual direction from a spiritual guide or mentor
- I have a few people I use for this, and I talk with at least one of them every month.
- I participate in a small group where I can share, seek guidance, and be held accountable for growth
- I have friends that I see at least one of them a week, we only get together as a group once a month or so.
- I enjoy social interaction (fellowship and celebration) with brother and sisters in Christ
- Much less than I would like. This is another point where I hope having a job would change and increase my ability to afford to go to other or bring others to me.
- I engage in a personal care practice that build my physical, mental, and/or emotional life
- I do yoga as part of my morning routine, I see a therapist every other week, but how I could do more. I could join a gym and get more of a workout, I could do some much. I am stuck for the moment, but I will not let it stay that way.
Future
This point is hard to even consider. It is dependent on getting a job, or not.
I see myself being led to Anamchara. I spent much of my life believing that I was called to be a nun, however thought it was not something I could be as I was protestant. Nowadays what is keeping me from joining is my lack of funds which is based on my lack of traditional job.
I see myself having a family before much longer. Once I have a job and have established myself in it I shall be looking to having a child. Possibly adopting, possibly by donor, I feel that I am to have a child, I do not feel required to have a partner in the process.
While I am putting it last it is something I feel is very important, I feel I am to live on my own. By on my own I mean out of my parents basement. It is not so much that I feel I need to live elsewhere as I feel they need to be able to live with each other and not have their children constantly around. They have never lived on their own, there was always a someone else living with them, they need and deserve time with each other.
This point is hard to even consider. It is dependent on getting a job, or not.
I see myself being led to Anamchara. I spent much of my life believing that I was called to be a nun, however thought it was not something I could be as I was protestant. Nowadays what is keeping me from joining is my lack of funds which is based on my lack of traditional job.
I see myself having a family before much longer. Once I have a job and have established myself in it I shall be looking to having a child. Possibly adopting, possibly by donor, I feel that I am to have a child, I do not feel required to have a partner in the process.
While I am putting it last it is something I feel is very important, I feel I am to live on my own. By on my own I mean out of my parents basement. It is not so much that I feel I need to live elsewhere as I feel they need to be able to live with each other and not have their children constantly around. They have never lived on their own, there was always a someone else living with them, they need and deserve time with each other.
I see myself being led to Anamchara. I spent much of my life believing that I was called to be a nun, however thought it was not something I could be as I was protestant. Nowadays what is keeping me from joining is my lack of funds which is based on my lack of traditional job.
I see myself having a family before much longer. Once I have a job and have established myself in it I shall be looking to having a child. Possibly adopting, possibly by donor, I feel that I am to have a child, I do not feel required to have a partner in the process.
While I am putting it last it is something I feel is very important, I feel I am to live on my own. By on my own I mean out of my parents basement. It is not so much that I feel I need to live elsewhere as I feel they need to be able to live with each other and not have their children constantly around. They have never lived on their own, there was always a someone else living with them, they need and deserve time with each other.
Spiritual Heritage
I come from a mixed and wandering spiritual heritage.
- Mom was raised Pentecostal
- Dad was raised Lutheran
- God-mother is a cradle Catholic
- I was raised Presbyterian
- In high school went Lutheran for awhile
- In college I was victim blamed and shunned by my Presbyterian church elders
- I wandered Catholic and Lutheran churches for a time
- While I wandered the family wandered Evangelical churches
- For a time I shared the families home church
- Then a friend invited me to try an Episcopalian service
Strengths that come from my background
- Know the differences in denominations
- Know where I stand
- Know my bible
- Know my service style
- Know my servant skills
Weakness that come from my background
- Lack of stable history
I come from a mixed and wandering spiritual heritage.
- Mom was raised Pentecostal
- Dad was raised Lutheran
- God-mother is a cradle Catholic
- I was raised Presbyterian
- In high school went Lutheran for awhile
- In college I was victim blamed and shunned by my Presbyterian church elders
- I wandered Catholic and Lutheran churches for a time
- While I wandered the family wandered Evangelical churches
- For a time I shared the families home church
- Then a friend invited me to try an Episcopalian service
Strengths that come from my background
- Know the differences in denominations
- Know where I stand
- Know my bible
- Know my service style
- Know my servant skills
Weakness that come from my background
- Lack of stable history
Memory
My earliest church based memory is singing in the children's choir at Easter. I was backstage at the Seattle Opera House. I was waiting in line, sorted by height. I could hear the service going on, but not make out what was being said. This memory is as clear as if it happened yesterday. I remember being proud of being in the choir.
My next memory was of church was a Billy Graham service. We were in the Kingdome. I remember nothing of the service. I remember how I felt after the service. After the service the family went down to the field, we all felt called to recommit ourselves.
My earliest church based memory is singing in the children's choir at Easter. I was backstage at the Seattle Opera House. I was waiting in line, sorted by height. I could hear the service going on, but not make out what was being said. This memory is as clear as if it happened yesterday. I remember being proud of being in the choir.
My next memory was of church was a Billy Graham service. We were in the Kingdome. I remember nothing of the service. I remember how I felt after the service. After the service the family went down to the field, we all felt called to recommit ourselves.
My next memory was of church was a Billy Graham service. We were in the Kingdome. I remember nothing of the service. I remember how I felt after the service. After the service the family went down to the field, we all felt called to recommit ourselves.
People Influences
Retired Rear Admiral Roberta Hazard is my earliest and longest standing relationship with someone that influenced my religion. She knew me from the day of my birth until a move she made where the USPS did not forward our cards to her. She was a good Naval Officer, and good woman, and a good Catholic. She studied history and education, more history, then joined the war college, and took all that into the military. I remember her constantly being a sweet and kind woman. She sent me a prayer that I keep on my wall, it has been on my wall everywhere I have lived since. Mostly her influence has not been a traditional leading, but just being that kind woman.
Her life has also taught me that just because you are great at one thing does not mean you cannot do something else (or 2, or 3) as well, in her case history, education, the military, and religion. This also led me to find Dr Joseph Warren an inspiration, but that is a thing for another time.
A much more recent person of influence is Sharon Blackford. Again she is a great person in and of herself, and also a good Christian, in her case Episcopalian. She was my friend for a long while before she mentioned her being religious. She found out that while I loved the people at my parents church the service was not for me. I had tried so hard to fit in the service, I joined a choir, I even did a dance of joy during service, but in the case of the former I felt like I was an outcast for asking for sheet music, in the case of the latter I did it hoping I could feel what others did when they do, I cried when I got home because I felt nothing but tired from the experience. Sherry invited me to come to her church. Even after moving far away she has walked with me as I have gone on this journey, from joining the church, to Confirmation, to looking at joining an Order.
While we are not related I have called her sister, both spiritually and as someone who I would have loved to actually have been my sister.
Retired Rear Admiral Roberta Hazard is my earliest and longest standing relationship with someone that influenced my religion. She knew me from the day of my birth until a move she made where the USPS did not forward our cards to her. She was a good Naval Officer, and good woman, and a good Catholic. She studied history and education, more history, then joined the war college, and took all that into the military. I remember her constantly being a sweet and kind woman. She sent me a prayer that I keep on my wall, it has been on my wall everywhere I have lived since. Mostly her influence has not been a traditional leading, but just being that kind woman.
Her life has also taught me that just because you are great at one thing does not mean you cannot do something else (or 2, or 3) as well, in her case history, education, the military, and religion. This also led me to find Dr Joseph Warren an inspiration, but that is a thing for another time.
A much more recent person of influence is Sharon Blackford. Again she is a great person in and of herself, and also a good Christian, in her case Episcopalian. She was my friend for a long while before she mentioned her being religious. She found out that while I loved the people at my parents church the service was not for me. I had tried so hard to fit in the service, I joined a choir, I even did a dance of joy during service, but in the case of the former I felt like I was an outcast for asking for sheet music, in the case of the latter I did it hoping I could feel what others did when they do, I cried when I got home because I felt nothing but tired from the experience. Sherry invited me to come to her church. Even after moving far away she has walked with me as I have gone on this journey, from joining the church, to Confirmation, to looking at joining an Order.
While we are not related I have called her sister, both spiritually and as someone who I would have loved to actually have been my sister.
Her life has also taught me that just because you are great at one thing does not mean you cannot do something else (or 2, or 3) as well, in her case history, education, the military, and religion. This also led me to find Dr Joseph Warren an inspiration, but that is a thing for another time.
A much more recent person of influence is Sharon Blackford. Again she is a great person in and of herself, and also a good Christian, in her case Episcopalian. She was my friend for a long while before she mentioned her being religious. She found out that while I loved the people at my parents church the service was not for me. I had tried so hard to fit in the service, I joined a choir, I even did a dance of joy during service, but in the case of the former I felt like I was an outcast for asking for sheet music, in the case of the latter I did it hoping I could feel what others did when they do, I cried when I got home because I felt nothing but tired from the experience. Sherry invited me to come to her church. Even after moving far away she has walked with me as I have gone on this journey, from joining the church, to Confirmation, to looking at joining an Order.
While we are not related I have called her sister, both spiritually and as someone who I would have loved to actually have been my sister.
Defining Moments
None of my early memories were defining in a religious way for me. I remember being in choir, I remember friends, I remember being in musicals, I remember VBS in the park, I remember weekend trips, and I remember work weeks during the summer. None of those defined me, they were all just expected of someone who went to University Presbyterian Church.
Or at least they were overshadowed by how I was treated when as a 19 year old I told the head of the college department I had been raped. As I had been a bit wild there was victim blaming and slut shaming. I am not sure I will ever get over that.
I left the Presbyterian faith and wondered. I tried pagan, I tried Lutheran, I tried Catholic. I found a family at First African Methodist Episcopal, but not quite the church home I needed.
At FAME I tried hard to fit better. Once the music made me feel like dancing, so I did. Unfortunately this was taken as me being full of the spirit, when really I was just feeling the beat (it was a great beat).
When my friend invited me to come to an Episcopal church I started doing research and was excited that it was Catholic service (which I love) with an allowance for those of us left of left. Then I found out that I could join a religious order, which had been that dirty wish I had had since I was very little. That plus Pentecost service had me in love.
None of my early memories were defining in a religious way for me. I remember being in choir, I remember friends, I remember being in musicals, I remember VBS in the park, I remember weekend trips, and I remember work weeks during the summer. None of those defined me, they were all just expected of someone who went to University Presbyterian Church.
Or at least they were overshadowed by how I was treated when as a 19 year old I told the head of the college department I had been raped. As I had been a bit wild there was victim blaming and slut shaming. I am not sure I will ever get over that.
I left the Presbyterian faith and wondered. I tried pagan, I tried Lutheran, I tried Catholic. I found a family at First African Methodist Episcopal, but not quite the church home I needed.
At FAME I tried hard to fit better. Once the music made me feel like dancing, so I did. Unfortunately this was taken as me being full of the spirit, when really I was just feeling the beat (it was a great beat).
When my friend invited me to come to an Episcopal church I started doing research and was excited that it was Catholic service (which I love) with an allowance for those of us left of left. Then I found out that I could join a religious order, which had been that dirty wish I had had since I was very little. That plus Pentecost service had me in love.
